Author: Mud and Magic

My first public Pagan event was a revelation: meeting other Pagans after a couple of years of studying and practicing on my own, standing in a real ritual circle, chanting with other people and raising energy. This was before everyone had the internet, so this was my first experience with Pagans besides reading their books. When I got home from the weekend event, I started gathering my fellow teen Pagans and potential Pagans. I held my first group ritual for Yule that year.

I was 17 when I went to that event alone. I called in advance and talked to someone on the board of directors, and they said I could come if I got permission from my parents. Before giving the information package to my parents, I carefully whited out the line "The kitchen and dining hall is clothing required at all times; the rest of the camp is clothing optional", which was conveniently at the end of a paragraph and so didn't look suspicious. I liked that it said that it was an alcohol- and drug-free event (a lie, it turned out) and that it outlined planned activities for kids, making it look family-friendly.

Looking back, I see the subtle protection I was proffered. Everyone I spoke to seemed to already know who I was right from when I arrived: I was the "teen who came alone". The board director that I spoke with was a mother of someone about my age who was also attending, and she and I hung out a lot during the weekend. She had been part of the community for most of her life, and I think now that she might have been (subconsciously?) concerned or that her mother might have asked her to watch out for me. We avoided the party cabin and when a good number of the adults were drinking and getting up to other adult things, we hung around the fire, learning chants, and went skinny dipping in the dark.

If I'd lied about my age and not been given the extra layer of protection... if the board of directors hadn't made sure that it was well known that there was an unaccompanied minor on site... if I'd gone to the party cabin... if I'd been a teen who tried alcohol or drugs... if the other young woman hadn't been there... well, many of the people Sarah Lawless is talking about in her post about sexual abuse and trauma in the Pagan community were there, and I believe Sarah when she talks about her experiences.

As it was, my first Pagan gathering was an amazing experience. I had conversations about the whys and hows of energy raising and other Pagan topics. I met amazing people. I won a star-shaped crocheted afghan. One young man was a bit flirty, but never inappropriate. I went home spiritually inspired and with a self-esteem boost. The next year, I went back with my recruited Pagan teens and about a dozen of 18 year olds invaded the camp. Looking back, we were so naive, but we accidentally kept each other safe just by tending to travel in groups. I suspect that the fact that we brought a couple of guys with us helped too; my partner has been my shield in many challenging situations. Some of us went to that camp every year for almost two decades.

I feel very lucky to have had such good experiences, especially that first year when I was at my most vulnerable. I am now pretty close to the age of the people who were on the board of directors that first year. I think in their place, I would have turned me down - told me to come at 18 or 19, maybe after coming to a couple of day events to meet some of the participants. As much as I have loved some of my experiences with the local Pagan community, I am now painfully aware of its flaws too, and I wouldn't want to risk a young woman's safety. My first public Pagan event was magical, but it would have been just as good a couple of years later.